Thousand Full Moon: Shrimati Gokhale 81+
Contributed by: Dr. Raghunath Boradkar
July 24th was the first day
of Shravan. It was also the birthday of my music guru late Mahadevbhai Shastri
founder of Sangit Upasana Mandir Annie Besant Road Surat.
We shifted from Baroda [Now
Vadodara ] to Surat in 1965. My husband was promoted as Head of the Department
of Pharmacology, in the newly started Government Medical College Surat.
He was already known in his
field for his research and administrative abilities. We were new to Surat and
the college staff quarters were under construction and hence we had to find an
accommodation elsewhere. Luckily we got an accommodation in one of the
bungalows, belonging to the contractor Shri Shirishbhai Desai. A part of it was
rented to us but the rest of the bungalow was under the control of his sister
Shrimati Urmilabe Bhat, who was a minister in the Gujrat Government. It was a
little difficult to put up with the pomp and show that goes with the minister's
post and yet we stayed there as there was no other alternative available.
It so happened that my daughter Vidya,
suddenly fell ill. We consulted Dr Rajendra desai a friend of ours. Unfortunately,
it was found out that she had Rheumatic heart and had to undergo complete bed
rest. She had to be lifted up and carried. To add to this my sister in law in
Mumbai fe[[ ill and I had to shift to Bandra. Everything was well for some
days. But then one day Vidya vomited in the morning and we had to admit her to
a Hospital. It was said that there was an infection but she became critical and
also started getting fits. She used to get up from sleep and suddenly catch me
and tightly hold me. Nothing helped and on the third day she breathed her last.
It took a lot of time for me and Partha, my son to get over the shock. As my
husband had to go back to work we again shifted to Surat. It was impossible to
stay in that house now, it looked so empty without Vidya. I pestered him to
look for another house and found one in Adarsha Society
on Ghoddod road, not a very populated area, and far from the maddening crowds.
One day one of his colleague, Dr P B Roy professor of pathology staying in the
same colony paid us a visit. We knew each other very well and our children used
to play together. Vidya was his favourite and he considered her as his daughter.
He suggested that I should learn music and said it could be a good diversion to
console my mind. He offered to introduce me to my Guru. So I asked my husband
if I could go and then went to see Guruji.
The house was quite old. The
family consisted of three sons a daughter in law and a grandsons.
The sons were employed. One
of them was a vocalist and the other one played Sitar. The youngest was a tabla
player and was Guruji's favorite. Mahadevbhai was a disciple of Pandit
Omkarnath Thakur belonging to Gwaliar Gharana. He was a pleasant God fearing
personality and had a deep understanding of music. Music was his world. Since
his wife's death he had confined himself to his room and taught music to those
who came to learn. If someone did not practice he used to be sad. He
immediately agreed to teach me. He had some words of consolation for me. Music
makes you forget everything he said, adding that life and death was God's will
so let’s surrender to his will and get lost in the eternal joy of music. I was
asked to come at 2 pm sharp. I adjusted accordingly making arrangements for
Partha to be looked after and did not want to miss a day. When I used to reach
there, I used to see Guruji tuning the Tanpura.
“Be calm”, he used to say and after I would settle down, would ask me to
start with the first note SA and when I could do that he would ask me 'What are
you going to sing today?' I had told him that I had started learning music from
the time when I was ten years old. It's not that I knew many ragas but I had acquired
a sound knowledge of musical notes. I always tried to sing exactly like chitale
Kaku, my childhood teacher, and though not a complicated TAAN, I could easily
sing the AALAAP. She used to say, Manik when you sing with me I feel like
singing and I get an encouragement’ and both of us used to sing and get lost
and would forget the existence of time. When her little Raju started crying we
stopped and wound up and kept the instruments aside. Was the losing the sense
of time and one's own identity was a state of SAMADHI? I did not know the word
samadhi then, but I did not want to come out of that state.
I was busy with college
studies, Social gatherings, Drama, and playing. At home my father and mother
discussed Tatwadnyanmanjiri and I
found it boring. In a way the atmosphere was conducive to my learning music. It
was fun going to Gol Bag with friends and singing film songs or Bhavgeet under
the starry skies. I appeared for Madhyama
of Gandharva Mahavidyalaya of
Ahmedabad and passed with good grades.
It was 1968 when we shifted
to newly built staff quarters in the Medical College campus, New civil Hospital
Majura gate Surat. In September, Surat and Bharuch both cities were
flooded. Rivers crossed the danger mark
and water entered the cities. We experienced very difficult days then. In October
Chhaya was born and Partha got a sister. It was as if Vidya had returned. This
made everyone happy. These were breaks in my
sadhana as I could not go for my music lessons and yet I used to get up early
in the morning and practice with dedication amounting to religiosity. Gradually everything was normalized. We found
a girl who could look after Chhaya and I started going to Guruji again. I was
happy and overjoyed and found that my music acquired a different dimension and
became more enjoyable. I used to feel the difference. Ragas have their natural
attributes and not all ragas can give you a continuous feeling of joy. Puriya
and Marwa have similar notes but Mawa expresses the poignancy of the late
evening and Puriya reminds you of a woman separated from her lover and
expresses her longing and pain. Guruji used to say, “Our music is the mirror of
our life”. A great loss in life makes
the music more meaningful. Tears used to come to our yes while singing such
soulful ragas. Rushikumar and Jayubhai and his wife Madakini said that
Guruji had loved his wife
very dearly. His choked voice sometimes used to give vent to his feelings.
In 2017 now all these
memories are tending to fade from my consciousness and I hardly recollect any
complete ' CHEEJ ' taught to me by him. But when we sing I remember only one
raga, one Bhairavi 'Jogi mat ja mat ja
mat ja' and for me it never ends. It may sound a little egoistic but
when Guruji was told that we had to go to Jamnagar he wept. “A disciple like
you is found only once in a life time”, he said. He also said his life would be
barren again. He did have another disciple but she got married and went away.
Her main interest was basically commercial. She wanted to become a Radio Star
and sing on Ahmedabad Radio. Guruji had said 'She knows the notes well but she
has not found the soul of music'. She
knew the ‘SWARA’ but had not found the 'SOOR' and I was interested only in the
SOOR and getting lost and forgetting myself. “This forgetting is God realization”
Guruji had said. Guruji knew the reason why we were transferred to Jamnagar. That
pain, the DARD would express itself while teaching and singing a CHEEJ like
'Soutan ke sang rat bitai Piya ghar aja' and we used to get lost with tearful
eyes.
Thirty years passed in
between and then I met Mrs. Yoginitai Garud when I came to Pune. When I met Dr.
Boradkar in Pune he casually asked me if I still sing. I said no. He told me about Yoginitai and her class and
we once attended a Guru Pournima function of the class where I heard her and
was impressed. I then met her and asked her if she could teach. She said age is
no problem if you have the desire. So once again my life was full with music. Yoginitai
encouraged me and I continued. I learnt a lot and experienced some moments of ecstasy
and I should say had a short but memorable time. But past never stops to haunt,
and leaves its marks. Yet I have some beautiful memories of my musical journey
to cherish and I live by that.
Music was my world, a
different sort of world that I was bent on having. Life doesn't always give you
what you want and there is a limit to everything. I have no strength to fight
now and I am tired, too tired. So be it.
Oh. God!
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