136. The sea never disappointed me

Thousand Full Moon: Shrimati Gokhale
Contributed by: Dr. Raghunath Boradkar

Shrimati Maniktai Gokhale is 81 +. She is an accomplished classical vocalist and excels in culinary art. I met Gokhales in 1964-65. We shared a common love for sea and used to frequent a near by sea resort. I still remember those days and the fun we had. Gokhales later went to Zambia and Libya. Here Shrimati Gokhale describes her days in Malta and feels they were the best days in her life.  Here is an account of her life in her own words.

I felt like a butterfly caught in the net when I stepped in the house of my in laws after marriage and that too to solve their problem. My father was about to retire and was in a hurry to get the daughter married. Opposite our house lived a family and the boy was to be a doctor, and they wanted a daughter in law to take care and look after the aged. This was the background of the marriage.  Marriage for convenience and need, so there was no question of liking. My mother was influenced by thoughts of Sane Guruji and so was I. Khara to ekachi dharma  Jagala prem arpave: The only true Dharma is to give away love to the world.  The marriage was solemnised under such circumstances. It was someone’s convenience and needed no mutual liking and acceptance. I have been experiencing the consequences of this throughout my life.

The elderly passed away in due course and I carried on with life coping with children and his, my husband’s, frequent transfers. I soon realized that he had no space for me in his heart or mind and had never thought of joining me in my pain or pleasure. He did get recognition for his work in his field but there were no good words for me, rather I was told that I had destroyed his life. May be it was to be that way.

One day he suddenly decided to change the job and we found ourselves first in Zambia and then in Libya. Libya was ruled by Dictator Colonel Gaddafi and he had ordered that all education must be in Arabic. But our children were in convent school. Somebody suggested that all ex-patriots including Indians, educate their children in Malta. Malta had good convent schools and hostels. There was a Maltese doctor working with him and he gave all the information and then it was decided that as the children were small I should stay in Malta with children. I was a little uneasy but there was no other alternative and I thought it better than moving about in a burka in Libya. I thought I would be able to breathe freely on this island near Europe, so I decided to go. I think it was July 1976, summer holidays when one day we reached Valetta, capital of Malta, at noon by Maltese Airways plane. Malta is a small island in the Mediterranean sea between Europe and Asia and to the  south of Italy. Yellow rocks everywhere, not much of land but sea to be seen from anywhere and within 15 minutes’ walk from any point. A group of three islands Malta, Gozo, and Kamino make the Republic of Malta. Strategically situated Malta was ruled by the British, Turks and Greeks. The southern tip of Italy is hardly 60 miles from Malta. Malta became known because of the second world war. It is also very near Egypt and Libya. Mainly a tourist center. Malta has ship repairing docks. It is known for beautiful churches named after Jesus and his disciples. The people are religious, hardworking and lovable and adjusting with the outsiders easily. We saw the Mediterranean Sea while landing, till then I had only read about it as a landlocked sea. It was exhilarating to actually see it. The deep blue sea and the colorful boats swinging on the waves were so beautiful a sight that it could make you forget yourself. The tourist season begins from March and the rush starts. It doesn’t snow in Malta but it’s very cold, and windy with heavy rains. The sea is beautiful from March to December. It’s excellent for swimming from end of June till October. We reached right during the Tourist season. The schools were to open from first October and therefore we could spend the entire vacation  on the sea shore, swimming and resting on the beach. The thought itself made me happy. We got a place to stay which was very close to the sea. It was a nice flat with good neighbors. A grocery shop was nearby and vegetables were available on a hand cart. The best part was that whenever I went to the balcony for anything like drying clothes or some other reason I could see the deep blue sea. On the first day we came out just crossed the road to reach the beach. When I entered the water I felt as if someone was embracing me with love. The sea in a way took away all the anger, disappointment and pain from me and made me forget everything. For hours I stayed in the water and the sea never disappointed me. Exploring the sandy beach, rocky beach and the golden beach every year we spent three years in Malta and yet the feeling that I had no one here, remained. The reason was that he, my husband, had created his own world in Libya where there was no place for me. I returned to India with a sad mind but I couldn’t forget the different moods of that beautiful sea, various celebrations of those beautiful churches and the serenity of the prayers and of course the people who every time I was out, used to say, “Enjoy yourself Madam, Take good care of the children.” When I remember those days, I question myself whether heaven could be any different and I thank God for giving me that wonderful time of my life.

Now I am not angry with any one nor do I have any grudge against anyone. The children are now well settled and busy with their own affairs. When needed they come. If I have any inconvenience they come and take care of it. I am happy and content. The only wish I have now is that before I become a ‘discarded item’ I should get called to my rightful eternal place, that’s all!

||Shri Ram Jay Ram Jay Jay Ram||

135. I accept whatever comes, as His grace.

Thousand Full Moon: PSA Easwaran (81+)

Easwaranji writes about his childhood, travel to Calcutta in search of a job at the age of 19, and walking to the temple barefoot every morning.

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After passing School Final exam in 1952, I studied shorthand-typing, as the financial position of the family was very bad for me to have college education. As a rural boy, I had very little contact with other boys - no real friends, so to say. I was not mature enough to mingle with boys of same age. I used to go to the house of a purohit (priest) who had two sons working in Bombay, another one in Delhi. Two sons were studying in school. I used to read Periapuranam (Shiva puranam in tamil) for the purohit's wife. In May 1954, one of the sons from Bombay had come on leave and was supposed to return in the first week of June. My father had requested the purohit to ask his son to take me also with him to Bombay to look for a job. On the appointed day when my father took me to the purohit's house, we were told that his son had already left for Bombay the previous day. We returned home disappointed. Then, we came to know that another person who had come on leave from Calcutta was returning the next day. Father approached him and he agreed to take me to Calcutta on assuring that I will be staying in Calcutta with a cousin brother of my mother. In those days, there was no seat reservation. The person with whom I was going had several friends who were also going the same day. So, by the time our train reached Palakkad, there were about 10 people in the group from various places. Among them was a very old lady, who mingled with all freely. She was the mother of a gentleman living in Calcutta, and was going to stay with him. She asked me about my details and when I told her about my village and parents, she burst out saying that my grandmother (father’s mother) and she were close friends from early childhood and knew well about our family. She assured me that I need not go anywhere to stay in Calcutta and she will arrange with a person belonging to the same village as hers and is related to my father, living in bachelor quarters. She took me to her son’s house, and after meals and resting, sent for the person, who came and took me wih him to his quarters. There were 3 or 4 others staying in one room – all of them were working as apprentices in Telephone Dept.   

After coming over to Calcutta, during the first few years as a bachelor, I had been attending the weekly lectures of Swami Ranganathananda of Ramakrishna Mission. During that period, I had even thought of becoming a sanyasi and read several books from RK Mission Institute, especially those of the Master and his Disciple, Vivekananda. However, after retirement of my father, I had the responsibility of sending some money home as my brothers and sisters were studying. I had to take up extra part time jobs, and thereafter, I had to discontinue my spiritual search. At that time, I was working with Indian Airlines which was in its beginning after nationalization. The salary was poor, but those times, things were very cheap. Rs.10/- pm for bachelor quarter accommodation, Rs.30/- pm (cheaper ones) for 2 meals a day. As I was working in the Airport, we had free transport to-and-fro – At times, I used to come with the crew members while returning. There is a cheap canteen at the Airport. We also used to ‘raid’ the aircraft after arrival from a flight to share the left-overs of sweets, cashew nuts, etc. In one way, that short period till the retirement of my father was the golden one, with care-free life.  As I knew the condition in which I grew up in the family, I never spent even a single paisa unnecessarily. Of course, I used to see pictures, especially English ones during Sundays when there were special rates for the morning shows – 75 paise as against Rs.1.25 for the matinee/night shows. This had helped me in getting accustomed with understanding English speech by foreigners. After working more than a year in Indian Airlines, I got a job as a steno in a British company where the boss was an Englishman. I had very little trouble in understanding his speech.  He later told me that several boys had come for interview, but after taking the dictation, they had left even without typing. Although now, financially with the help of my children, the standard of living has gone up, I personally try to maintain my old habit of pruning expenses and living simply.

I was staying in my original native village Puthucode upto my 9^th or 10^th age, studied there upto 3^rd Form (Class 7). There is no river near about the village. There is one stream which ends at our village. I used to go for swimming every evening soon after returning from school. Before I studied swimming, one day, I walked beyond the safety area and was about to be drowned. Had gulped water several times.  Since there were plenty of boys there, one of them noticed my struggle and saved me. That was really an experience!  

A few years back, I used to go to the lakes nearby for walking.  I used to go round the lakes walking briskly. One Sunday, it just occurred to me – since I have been walking round the lakes daily, why not go to the Guruvayoorappan Temple every Sunday? That day I went to the temple, and continued going every Sunday. After some months, I made it 2 days a week, and later on every birthday in September, I increased the day, and ultimately made it full. I do not remember how many years ago I started visiting the temple daily.  There was no motivation for me to visit the Temple. Since I was doing morning walk around the lakes, I just changed the route, that is all. However, this has strengthened my will power and my faith in Him.  In fact, I have some problem with my lower hip portion up to the middle of back, which I feel a bit heavy with pain while moving. I feel this heaviness especially when I make an effort to run to catch a bus. But this morning walk is quite different.  I just walk briskly even though not as quickly as before, as if some power is drawing me towards the temple. Till the time of reaching the temple, I don’t feel any tiredness. However, on my return walk, I started feeling a little tired after walking half the distance, but despite this, I continue walking till reaching home.  I only pray to G for Him to allow me to continue this further without a break. I have no complaints and accept whatever comes only as HIS GRACE.  This can be cherished in memory!